You don't know Jack!

Be sure to check out Jack's American Pub every Tuesday night, featuring great drink specials and a fun atmosphere, right on Milwaukee's east side!

Wanna spin the QUEEL?

For your chance to win stuff, including gift cards, free beer and Quizmaster swag, find out where the QUEEL is gonna be this month...

Get your Quiz-On this week....

Check the Quizmaster schedule to see where and when to get quizzed on this week!

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Did your team name make it?

Click to view over a hundred of the best trivia team names from the Quizmaster circuit this past month!

09 April 2014

Best pub quiz names of the month! March 2014...

Brass Monkey
  • The Audio always works @St. Francis Brewery 
  • All hail our British Overlords
  • My girlfriend is drinking for two
  • Hosting Trivia Would Be Much More Fun if the Teams Weren't So Retarted
  • So, When Are the Olsen Twins Gonna Make A Sex Tape?
  • Michael Jackson has a Popular Last Name
  • Gangbangs of New York
  • BezzerWizzer is NOT Popular

Cafe Centraal
  • So...Katy Perry Kinda Sucks
  • The Osama Bin Llamas
  • Putin, Ukrain't Sit With Us!
  • Stick 'em With The Pointy End

Cafe Hollander
  • Serrated Condoms: Barbed For Nobody's Pleasure 
  • Malaysian Bunnies Lost At Sea
  • Crimea River
  • I Usually Don't Cum, But I like Quizzing With A Group
  • Irish I Had A Better Team Name
  • Make It (UK)rain 
  • Arm Fisting: An Offer Putin Can't Refuse
  • Hollister: For Ages 14 - 18 . . . Unless You're Fat
  • Morgan I Wish There Beers Were Freeman
  • Giving Up Losing Trivia For Lent: See You In 40 Days
  • Quiz On My Face And Tell Me You Love Me

Caffrey's Pub
  • Are You Irish? Cuz My Penis is Dublin
  • The Plastered Potatoes
  • Irish People Were Drunker so We'd Win
  • My most important midterm is trivia

Camp Bar
  • The Rough Riders saw action in my bedroom
  • Harry and the Hendersons makes Citizen Kane look like House Party 2
  • Titanic Swim Team
  • It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits
  • How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None. 
  • Never iron a 4 leaf clover, you don't want to press your luck
  • Four Queef Clovers
  • 3 Girls, One Gay, No Cup
  • In England the Miley Cyrus tour is called Bangerz + Mash 
  • Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his Dad! Happy 74th Big Guy!
  • Wanna hear a bad joke about Potassium? ... K
  • Two things I don't fuck with: Rattlesnakes and Condoms
  • The center for kids who can't read good, and Hellen Keller

Club Garibaldi
  • I crashed this plane into the Indian Ocean and all I got were these lousy conspiracy theories
  • LGBT: One letter short of Bingo
  • We are sofa king stew pit.

Fixture Brewing Company
  • Anal Bleaching: It's Not Just For The Cool Kids Anymore
  • Blowin' More Than A BP Pipeline 
  • Barbie Never Gets Pregnant Because Ken Cums In A Different Box
  • What Do Planes and Women Have In Common? They Both Have Cock Pits!
  • My Dick Just Died. Can I Bury It In Your Vagina?
  • On A Scale from Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky, How Much Do You Love Children?
  • Everything Is Made in China. Except for Babies. They are Made In VaChina 
  • No Means Yes, Yes Means Anal
  • You Know You Have A High Sperm Count When She Has To Chew Before Swallowing
  • Cunning Stunts

The Hotch Spot
  • "The Best Team Since Sliced Bread"
  • Hank Aaron Seal'd my Octopussy
  • I have fuzzy orange balls, too

The Highbury
  • Doesn't a little part of you wish you were on Flight 370...I wish you were.
  • The next LOST spin-off TV show is rumored to include a Malay plane
  • Knock, knock. Who's There? Go Fuck Yourself!
  • More fun than a screendoor on a submarine 
  • Malaysia Airlines 370 stopped for Cluck's Chicken
  • You Know It's Been a Long Winter When the Cold War Starts Again

Jack's American Pub
  • Woke up to a snow job
  • Jeffrey Dahmer's homemade casserole
  • Those Malaysian planes sure are good at hide and seek 
  • I wish this place was extra Crisp Pizza now
  • I'd rather kill myself too if I was alone in space with Sandra Bullock 
  • I'll do anything for a dollar
  • Jeffrey Dahmers Homemade Lampshade
  • Ukraine in the Membrane 
  • Putin my Ass
  • Fo Shizzle, mah Quizzle!
  • We Googled this Team Name

Loaded Slate

  • What's the Difference Between a Ferrari and a Boner?
  • Moose Knuckles
  • Condoms and Rattlesnakes - Things to big for my dick 
  • I tried using PENIS as my password, but was told it was to short


  • Lesbian Barbie comes in her own box
  • Crimea River
  • Question 31? Whats my Accent?
  • It's a good night to be hard
  • Sister Act 3: Catholic School Rejects

Miller Time Pub 

  • Hoosier Daddy's
  • Potat-HOES
  • Unfortunate Sex Fart

Milwaukee Beer Bistro

  • Great Barrier Queefs 
  • Canoe grabbing balls from McCovey Cove
  • I have Candy and a Van 
  • Is there really a difference between Alligators and Crocodiles
  • The Roast Beef Chronicles - A Tale Between Two Legs
  • Average Joe's Wrench Dodgers
  • I don't always think while I drink... but when I do we win $30 
  • I though people from Ohio were just called "poor"

Milwaukee Brat House

  • Breakfast in bed, sex in the kitchen
  • There's a Ukrainian Uprising… in my pants!
  • Ellen loves the red carpet!

Mulligans Irish Pub

  • Band of Unicorns
  • Gettin' Quizzie with it

New Berlin Ale House

  • We Are More Confused About This Quiz Than CNN Is About That Plane :-(
  • Dude Where's My Plane
  • Somebody Might Love Boris Yeltzen But Nobody Loves Geoffrey And His Small Balls 
  • Ma, The Meatloaf!! Fuck!!
  • What Pizza Place Do You Deliver For And How Do We Recommend You?
  • Hermaphrodite Barbie Comes In Her Own Box
  • Quit Stalin With Ukraine-ium, Putin The Answer Already
  • Fist Is Also A Verb: That's What She Said
  • I'll Snooker All Over Your Blue Balls


  • Derelick my balls Capitain
  • That Shit Don't Fly ... Just Ask Malaysia
  • Tripple Exxon Vin Diesels 
  • How can we expect men to find Flight MH370 when they can't even find the clitoris? 
  • Define Statutory
  • Lets make like a baby and head out
  • Alright, Alright, Alright
  • Our wings disappeared faster than a Malaysian Airliner! 
  • Malaysian? You mean there's another kind of Asian? 
  • Irish there was some f'n Guinness in the bar
  • The Quizmaster's girlfriend is inflatable
  • Insane in the Ukraine 
  • More like Genitals Quarterly
  • Who you gonna call? Not Egon.. Too soon?

Red Rock Saloon

  • Hopefully the Malaysian airplane story will have better ending than LOST
  • The worst thing I've done in 2014 is Google the lyrics to Achy Breaky Heart, thanks Quizmaster 
  • Love Muscle
  • Pistorius' defense didn't have a leg to stand on
  • Shaving Ryan's Privates 
  • You can't spell Darren Sharper with Raper
  • Your mother has the whitest smile I've ever seen!

Riverwest Filling Station

  • If you want to kill a circus... Go for the juggler. 
  • Putin Out Victory
  • Flight 370 AKA Lost
  • Please stop the bus so I can let my brother Jack off
  • We stopped thinking and kept drinking 
  • Vladamir Putin's Gay Brothel
  • These are not the droids you're looking for

St. Francis Brewery

  • Found Waldo Before the Malaysian Plane! 
  • This Would Be So Much Easier if I Was Robocop
  • Sure Going to Regret Those Nachos in the Morning! 
  • Tara Reid's Left Boob

Titletown Brewing Co.

  • Putin on the blitz 
  • On a scale of Casey Anthony to Jerry Sandusky, how much do you like kids
  • Leonardo Dicaprio + the infinite sadness 
  • Don't McConnahate the playa, McConnahate the game 
  • If Ukraine your neck-you can see the Russians from here!

Two Bucks

  • There will only be 7 planets after we destroy Uranus
  • Save a Tree, Eat a Beaver
  • Buzz Williams' career is located on Malaysia Flight 370
  • Our Team is Sexier than Putin's Nipples
  • Sex on an elevator is wrong on so many levels
  • Witty Pun Containing a bit about current news
  • Are you from Ireland? Because my penis is Dublin.
  • O' Crimea River
  • A seal walked into a club… 
  • How long does it take to get from Malaysia to Beijing? Too soon. 
  • Doctor Who's Least Favorite Stepchildren
  • Russia and Ukraine 4eva Crimea River!
  • Obama's big black caucas

Whiskey Bar

  • I Didn't Recognize Rihanna Without A Black Eye
  • Warren Buffet Offers $1 Billion For A Perfect Bracket, $0 for finding flight #370 - 'Murica!!
  • All Our Best Team Names Got Lost On Malaysia #370, except for Total Eclipse of the Shart 
  • Like Forrest Gump, Jenny Fucked Us
  • Russia Penetrated Ukraine's Southern Border with an iron fisting...Crimea River!
  • Adele Dazeem Is John Travolta's Imaginary Girlfriend
  • I Eat Placenta For Fat Tuesday

01 April 2014

Any man who must say "I am the Quizmaster" is no true Quizmaster…. Our Game of Thrones quiz recap!

You Quiz or You Die was the ultimatum at the Milwaukee Beer Bistro this past Sunday night, as our Game of Thrones nerds came out in full force to see who was the true king of the seven kingdoms!

Among 21 teams --- almost 100 queeps --- there could only be one winner. Having quizzed RiverWesteros' finest on everything from quotes to characters to Lannisters, after a 75-point haul, the tally of 72 from Melisandre's Vagina Shadow was just enough to see them seize the iron throne...

They got their Clegane's mixed up at one point but mustered the gold medal. In modified words of the Hound, "if anyone quizzes with an empty class, I'll rape their f***in corpse.

Touché Mr. Hound.

Just two points back on 70 were the foursome from If Hot Pie dies, we RIOT! who were even rocking their own House of Stark attire...

Excellent job gang!

Now to the important stuff.

Of course, we love to ALWAYS give a prize for best team name at all our quiz events, and naturally Game of Thrones-inspired names were encouraged this time around. And boy, did we have some crackers among the 21 teams. Some honorable mentions included…

  • Joffrey's more inbred than a sandwich
  • Incest is the best, put your sister to the test
  • Riverwesteros Missed Connections
  • The Red Quiz (we've already poisoned 3 people in the room)

But ultimately it was third-place finishing Walder Frey Wedding Planner LLC, prices so low you will flatline that got the crowd and Quizmaster vote, walking out with the "people's prize"...

Also, the Lannisters send their regards.

And finally, because we're not biased (and because this post wouldn't be the same without mentioning it) team Theon's cock in a box had to get a shout out, despite finishing in 21st place...

They put on their "sad faces" for the camera, but great to see them out in full force again.

Great times as always. Watch out for the 24 and Star Wars Themed quizzes coming up in the next few weeks!

Until next time Milwaukee, drink while you think…

Sunday March 30th, 2014 Game of Thrones Quiz scores:

  1. 72 Melisandre's Vagina Shadow
  2. 70 If Hot Pie dies, we RIOT!
  3. 69 Walder Frey Wedding Planner LLC, prices so low you will flatline
  4. 69 3 Westerbros and a Winterfella
  5. 68 The Red Quiz (we've already poisoned 3 people in the room)
  6. 66 A song of natty ice and Fireball
  7. 66 Theon's detachable penis!
  8. 66 Brains of castamere
  9. 66 Hodor, Hodor… Hodor?
  10. 65 I've got 99 problems but a Barantheon ain't one
  11. 65 The Camel Cunts
  12. 64 The Drunkenwolves
  13. 63 Riverwesteros Missed Connections
  14. 61 The Bastard of "DD" Bolt-ons
  15. 60 One does not simply walk into a Hodor with Khaleesi on their face
  16. 60 Hodor Hodor Hodor
  17. 58 Incest is the best, put your sister to the test
  18. 57 5 o'clock vagina shadow monster
  19. 57 Stick 'em with the pointy end!!!
  20. 53 Joffrey's more inbred than a sandwich
  21. 48 Theon's cock in a box

Darth Bauer! Star Wars and 24 Themed Quizzes just announced!

The upcoming month is going to be a busy one for the Quizmaster research laboratory as we've just announced that we will be hosting two more specially themed quizzes in the approaching weeks.

First up, on Sunday April 27th (from 7-9 p.m.), we'll be hosting The 24 Quiz, covering all 8 seasons of the enthralling espionage show, ahead of its new series premiere on Sunday May 5th…

We will revisit the Three Lions Pub in Shorewood for this event, having previously hosted our Breaking Bad and Anchorman themed events there in 2013. Again the event will be $5/person, and we advise queeps to arrive a little early to grab a good spot!

The Quizmaster Strikes Back...
Switching over to intergalactic quizzing, our other planned quiz, The Star Wars Trivia Event that's being dubbed "the Quizmaster Strikes Back", will take place just one week after our 24 quiz. Sunday May the Fourth (7-9 p.m.), which naturally is Star Wars Day, seemed like a no brainer for this event, with Jack's American Pub on Brady Street being our host for the night…

Again, a $5/person entry fee will be required from all droids and Jedi's alike. Early arrivals are encouraged once more.

Any suggestions for more specially-themed quiz topics, hit up in the comments section below, on Facebook or email. We're always looking for new ideas folks!

07 March 2014

Best Team Names of the Month - February 2014!

Antonio's Sports Bar

  • Morning wood is a terrible thing to waste
  • Crouching girl hidden cucumber 
  • Women OIympic Stars…Hah! Oh wait, there’s no such thing 2nd Place
  • Costas has more pink in his eye than Victoria has in her panties

Brass Monkey

  • Sarah Palin Can See The Olympics From Her House
  • Liquor in the Front, Poker in the Back 
  • You're Going Down Syndrome 
  • Scissor Me Timbers
  • Hey Look! We Lost Again.

Cafe Centraal

  • Madest Thou Look; Thus Endeth The Trick
  • Fuck Winter
  • Quizlamic Jihad
  • Casey Anthony Has Some Junk In Her Trunk (Too Soon)

Cafe Hollander

  • Egon But Not Forgotten
  • Who Ya Gonna Call? Not Harold Ramis
  • I Play Soccer With The Quizmaster And He Hasn't Even Acknowledged Me 
  • Thom Selleck's Mustache Ride 
  • If This Quiz Was Curling, I Bet You Couldn't Handle These Stones
  • Olympic Puns Are Sochi-Z! 
  • Phillip See-More Angels 
  • I Put A Pube In Your Drink
  • Last Time A Bronco Had A Good Drive, OJ Was Behind The Wheel

Caffrey's Pub

  • We got 99 problems, and apparently trivia is one.
  • Chris Hanson is a cock block
  • Lift your coat and touch your toes, I'll show you where the wild goose goes
  • My mom is a milfwacky waving inflatable flailing arm tube team
  • My grandpa plays the accordion

Camp Bar

  • Garage (rhymes w/ carriage)
  • Q: What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? A: Christopher Walken
  • If you poo in a cave, would it be called a spelunker? 
  • Russia may have more medals, but we have less Russians.
  • Bob Costas Pink Eye
  • Putin's Left Nut
  • Django and the Broncos have something in common.... the silent "D"
  • Would you rather have David Carradine in your closet or Joe Namath's Super Bowl coat?
  • Monicas real position was on her knee's

Club Garibaldi

  • Unlike grade school I didn't wet my pants during the test
  • Excuse me while I shuttle my cock

Fixture Brewing Company

  • Anne Frank's Hide and Seek Club
  • Don't Cross The Streams! RIP Harold Ramis 
  • I'm Not Gay, But $2 is $2 
  • Your Mom Has The Whitest Teeth I've Ever Cum Across
  • Cupid is TOTALLY a midget 
  • The Rob Ford Fan Club
  • A Big Bag Of Dicks, For The Win! 
  • I've Got 99 Problems And Trivia Ain't One
  • It's Not Rape If You Yell Surprise

The Hotch Spot

  • We like our team how we like our cookies..... GIANT and warm!
  • But you ain't got no legs lieutenant Dan
  • Irish you were naked 
  • This microphone looks suspiciously like a penis 
  • If it was easy it would be called your Mom!

The Highbury

Jack's American Pub

  • Putins's Pistols
  • Danny and the Dick Fucks
  • Fo' Shizzle my Quizzle
  • Phillip Seymore Hoffman's "other" hobby
  • He called the shit poo!

Loaded Slate

  • Perforated Condoms
  • Condoms and Rattle Snakes: 2 Things I Don't Fuck With
  • Phillip Seymour Hoffman and the Ace of Spade Club 
  • John Wilkes Booth &the Showstoppers 
  • Anal, the Only Safe Way to Have Sex 
  • Phillip-SeeNoMore-Hoffman
  • If a Muppet Gives You a Blow Job, is it Also a Hand Job?


  • I'm Not From Egypt, But This Dick Israel 
  • All the Ladies Dig My Mammoth Bone
  • Boys Have A Penis and Girls Have A Vagina 
  • High Drag Projectile: For Her Pleasure
  • I'm not a weatherman, but your mom can expect the same forecast. 4-5 inches.
  • Shit hasn't hit the fan, but the turd is definitely clipping the blades.

Miller Time Pub

  • We Are Cool for Coolidge and Hard for Harding
  • My couch pulls out, but I don't! 
  • Monica Lewinsky - Head Intern

Milwaukee Beer Bistro

  • Rocky Balboa Picture Show
  • A futon pulls out... but I don't
  • First the quizzes, Then the Bitches
  • The Herbie Hancock's

Milwaukee Brat House

  • Albuquerque - you can get high in more ways than one!
  • I think my drinking team has a trivia problem
  • A horse named Sarah Jessica Parker
  • Saber Tooth Blow Job
  • Sure, you can pet my baby puss!
  • Pen15 Club
  • Oops, I schlitzed my pants
  • I have more periods than commas
  • Vanessa's virginal cloister of good times
  • Phillip Seymour Hoffman may have won an Oscar... but Chris Farley did it better!

Mulligans Irish Pub

  • #SochiFail 
  • Gettin' Quizzie with it
  • I like Putin dicks in my butt!

New Berlin Ale House

  • Not Tonight Babe, I Quizzed Earlier..
  • If Jesus Was Jewish, Why Does He Have A Mexican Name?
  • We'll Take Your Calvins, Marky Mark 
  • May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor... Unlike Philip Seymore Hoffman


  • Polar Vortex, more like polar bore-tex! Got any more brain busters?
  • I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number, so QWHEEL me!? Maybe?
  • Gingers have NO souls!!
  • Next time I'm coming in my short shorts 
  • Taj Mahal? More like touch my balls!

Red Rock Saloon

  • She smokes 15 joints a day? No wonder she picks those outfits
  • Cadbury creme in my pants
  • The only thing worse than the weather is a tall, cool Budweiser Select 55
  • I hope Bieber has the same dealer as Phillip Seymour Hoffman

Riverwest Filling Station

  • 21 Stream Salute for Egon 
  • Wonder If Costas Will Be Taking the Red-eye from Sochi?
  • Michael Sam For Russian Prime Minister 
  • We Thought Shirley Temple Was Already Dead
  • Putin Prefers Shuttle Cock with Luge

St. Francis Brewery

  • Gives New Meaning To the Term "Giving Them 'the Business' "! 
  •  Rumpled Foreskin
  • Bruce Jenner's Adam's Apple
  • I Really Hope to Give a Valentine, But It's Hard Daredevil's Dick Wasn't Blind
  • "Sochi" My "D", Putin!

Titletown Brewing Co.

  • Philip should have "seen more" Rehab 
  • Catching Fire like Richard Pryor 
  •  Seattle and Seymour Higher than a Kite

Three Lions Pub

  • Masturbation is 1% inspiration, 99% persperation
  • My computer tells me my password is too short, but I say 'Penis' is long enough 
  • If someone taking a quiz is a quizacle then what is someone taking a test?
  • If Phillip Seymour hoffman did any more ice, he would have been competing at Sochi
  • There's more to life than being really really, ridiculously good looking, and I plan on finding out what it is 
  • How does Darth Vader like his marshmallows? - A little on the dark side
  • What do you call a mushroom who buys a round of drinks? A Fungi to hang out with!

Two Bucks

  • The Ukranian Mail Order Brides
  • I before e except after foreskin
  • Here's my number, so fuck me maybe
  • Three out of four Ghostbusters ain't bad 
  • I'll "Point" my "Fat Squirrel" at your "Red Stripe" and "Pullchain" 
  • The 1973 Iranian Revolution (give or take a year)"
  • She'll eat your heart out like Jefferey Dahmer"
  • E = Mc Hammer
  • The Empire Strokes Back
  • "The Seahawks will only win a Super Bowl over my dead body" - Phillip Seymour Hoffman
  • Drinking Team with a Trivia Problem

Whiskey Bar

  • From Stripes: "Are You Two gay-homosexuals?" "No, but we Could Be If You Want Us To Be."
  • Egon...But Not Forgotten
  • There was no opening ceremony malfunction; the 5th olympic ring represents Putin's nervous buttonhole
  • Breaking Quizckly Bad
  • Philip Seymour Hoffman Died Preparing For His Next Role...Toronto Mayor Rob Ford 
  • Moneyball 2: Philip Seymour Hoffman Takes His Last Hit

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